he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
