First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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