ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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