you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
