I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
