Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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