i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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