so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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