I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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