Your face is a jimmy john
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
