I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
