my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
