32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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