My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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