9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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