She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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