Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
