Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The uberlube is also flammable
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
