ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
