Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
