Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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