im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
