we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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