What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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