Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
