At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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