a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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