Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
