I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
