He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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