i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
