Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
