Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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