There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
