all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
