Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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