i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
