Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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