he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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