He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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