Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
