either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
