Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
