if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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