so explain again why im purple
no
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
