Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
