biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
