i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
