What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
