Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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